No Love for Rejects
by wingsofseyfert12
Summary: To give the entirety of your being to the one you love. The one whom you would do anything for no matter what. Only to have that love rebuked and rejected, as if it were worthless and then stamped on the ground into many different pieces. Is it possible for a shattered heart to mend another?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All rights to the name "Strawberry Panic" belong to Madhouse Studious, Lantis and any other of their affiliates. I do not own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of this story.

Author's Note: Some irrelevant stuff. Watched this anime because I wanted to watch some romantic comedy after the very dire, gory and political "Shigurui" which I recently finished (by the way watch Shigurui. It is epic beyond words.) and what I ended up getting was something far beyond my expectations. So here is a little something. Enjoy.

* * *

The sound of the deep, somber voices of men singing _Salve Regina _reverberated about the chapel as Tamao Suzumi sat at the back pew not really paying attention to what was going on but getting immersed into the music anyway even if it was being sung in Latin at the moment. This was definitely different in comparison to her fellow peers who would sing the same songs. The girls sounded innocent, pure and devoid of any sin. The best of them sounded like _cherubs_ from Heaven itself, extolling the virtues of God and Heaven above in voices of white purity.

In contrast the sound of these men singing the same songs were wrought with solemness, pain, regret. It literally sounded like a cry for deliverance; the entirety of their tainted souls prostrating themselves before the Lord begging for forgiveness. To beg for a chance to walk in the Garden of Heaven. To show their worth and subject themselves to any trial so that, in the end, their souls could match the purity in which their counterpart could display with their mere voices.

It was funny now that Tamao thought about. Some of these men, she was sure, have been chaste all their lives completely dedicated in follow the path of the Lord yet they still sang as if they were not worthy, that they still begged for guidance and acknowledged their sinfulness. Likewise Tamao knew some singers in the choir that sang like angels, full of innocence and purity, and yet would turn around and start making out with their girlfriends or partake in even more iniquitous acts. It was an interesting contrast to say the least.

Still, Tamao could not help but feel as if she could relate to the pain these men sang of. She too felt solemn, regretful and unworthy. It had been several months since the that time when she and Nagisa were to run for Etoile. It didn't even matter to Tamao if they had won or not. What had mattered the most was the fact that she was going to be with Nagisa. That by running with her she was showing to the entire world that there was no one more important to her than Nagisa. Not the school, not her circle of friends, not even God or her parents. Especially her parents. They were often busy and had little time for her. The few times she did go home she normally returned to Astraea Hill a day or two afterwards. Tamao was sure that her birth was a mistake, that her parents did not wish to have children and that the only reason they did not abort was because they were Catholic. Tamao had no siblings and was often left alone at home. She spent most of her lonely days reading plays, The Bible, or writing poetry. No, her parents did what they had to do to make sure she survived and that was it. Tamao was sure that wasn't love and in respect she did not love them either.

No, Nagisa was her everything. She truly loved her with the entirety of her heart. So much so that she could not bear to see Nagisa sad, even if it came at the expense of her own happiness. When Shizuma had declared her love to Nagisa during the election Tamao almost gave in to her selfishness. A terrible rage welled within her body and the desire to rebuke Shizuma with harsh words was overwhelming. How, during those silent moments, did she want to drag that witch by the hair and cast her outside to the snow and tell her to be gone. That she was no more welcome to this sanctuary as a leper was to society. How dare she come and proclaim everlasting love to Nagisa after having hurt her so many times? That each and every time that Nagisa came back broken she, Tamao, would take up the arduous task in putting her back together again. How every tear that fell from Nagisa's eyes for that white haired she-devil filled Tamao with more and more contempt for the Etoile. How undeserving that Shizuma was of those tears. Nagisa deserved so much better.

However no amount of anger could reign in her desire to see Nagisa happy. Tamao saw just how Nagisa's eyes sparkled with the utmost yearning for the woman before them. This...interloper who had time and time again seemed to be on a never ending quest to make everyone suffer the same torment as she. It was not fair. Not fair to her and certainly not fair to Nagisa. But it could not be denied.

Nagisa loved Shizuma.

Tamao, from the instant she saw Nagisa become enchanted by the she-devil's web she knew that she had lost. Nagisa would forever be beyond her reach.

The male choir started to crescendo, their voices becoming more powerful yet still filled with all encompassing sense of regret and unworthiness.

Tamao would often revisit that time, usually on nights when she was alone without Nagisa there. She would go back and weave through all the different possibilities. Most of which included her taking a stand against Shizuma. To show Nagisa the error of her ways, to prove that she too loved her and could make her happier than Shizuma ever could. Tamao could re-do that decision over and over again in her head it did not make the slightest difference now. What has happened has happened. In her ever lasting love for Nagisa she decided to do the one thing she knew would make Nagisa happy.

She let her go.

The moment Nagisa had locked hands with Shizuma the blue haired poet had felt as if an icy hand had gripped her heart. It took everything in her power to remain standing and look proud and confident...happy that Nagisa was happy. For in the end that was the most important thing. Her own sorrow was of no consequence compared to what Nagisa wanted. If Nagisa felt happiest with Shizuma...then so be it.

Tamao felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder and saw that it was one of the sisters walking alongside a man, more than likely a Bishop from far off Europe.

"Suzumi-san. It is getting near curfew. You should start heading back to Strawberry Hall if you have nothing else to do."

Tamao thought vaguely of just obeying the order given to her from the older nun but had a small nagging question in her head. It was a quaint curiosity and Tamao welcomed it. It took her mind off of Nagisa even for just a moment.

"Begging your pardon sister but I wanted to know why these men are here?" asked Tamao politely.

The older man and the nun gave a small smile to the young child before them. The nun was whispering in the man's ear no doubt translating what was said to her to him. He smiled and soon ventured forth a response.

"I am Bishop Delann of the Saint-Denis institute in France. It has been a long while since I have come this far east but was assigned to make sure that everything was running smoothly here. The men present came along for the ride most of which have never even ventured outside of France, much less Europe so you can imagine how they jumped at the opportunity to widen their horizons. I hope we have not been a bother I do know that this is an all female institute after all."

Tamao was surprised that a man of this importance was speaking to her and she was even more surprised to find that she could understand him considering that he was not speaking Japanese at all. Tamao had always made top marks in her French classes and now it was time to put them to the test.

"I-I see. Thank...you for responding to my questions." replied Tamao meekly not sure if she got her words right. The bishop looked mildly surprised by her response but his eyes held a joyful mirth.

"You speak our language well. I'm happy to know that Miator has been astute with its students in learning French. It used to be a language which important politicians used for their treaties during the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. It never hurts to learn more languages. I know about four myself though I am completely mystified by your native tongue. Anyway I'm shifting towards irrelevancies now forgive me child. I will not keep you any longer."

"One more question if I may Father."

"What curiosity! Well I can grant you one more I suppose. But the last one. I do not want to undermine your Sister's authority, after all, I am in her care."

"O-Of course not! I just wanted to know...never mind...I'm sorry. It was silly of me. Thank you for your time."

With that Tamao bowed to both her Sister and Bishop and soon made her way out of the chapel at a near run. The older nun and Bishop exchanged concerned glances.

"That girl I swear. She has been like that since she the election months back. I guess she is taking the loss harder than I thought." replied the nun in fluent French.

The Bishop wasn't quite so sure about that. Most kids tended to bounce back from disappointments like that. No this looked like something else entirely.

He sighed.

There was no helping it. In an effort to promote total dedication to the Lord most of the Catholic schools were strictly all male or all female to prevent the distractions of relationships. All this did was push the students into forming relationships with each other regardless of gender.

He himself did not have any problem with same sex relationships. Love was a gift from God regardless of who shared it. Of course he knew some of his peers did not agree with him but still he couldn't see how God, in His infinite mercy, could condemn a happy couple to Hell. Especially to a kind young girl like her.

No she would go to Heaven regardless of her feelings for other girls he was sure of it. For if Jesus could forgive a murderer and have him walk in the Kingdom of Heaven then why deny a kind girl like her the same courtesy?

With that said the bishop soon turned back to his business. He would be leaving for France tomorrow and so he would not know whether the kind girl would find relief or not but he was not worried. In fact he smiled. The bishop resolved to pray for her tonight and hoped that she would find the respite she was desperately seeking.

* * *

Yaya Nanto sat alone in silence her room already dark as the sun set just outside her window. Ever since Hikari had become Etoile along side Amane they had been assigned a room together leaving her alone now. It was so rare that she got to see Hikari. She was always busy doing one thing or another and whenever she did have free time she would spend it with Amane.

Yaya really wanted to be happy for Hikari, she really did but she knew that it was impossible. Nothing would truly make her happy now, not without Hikari by her side. She collapsed on the bed her hair fanning underneath her body like a black pool swallowing her into the abyss.

_No damn it. Don't cry. I already said that I wasn't going to cry anymore. Hikari is happy now so I should accept it. _

Even as she said this memories of the past started to flash before her eyes; wonderful, beautiful memories so vivid that she was fully immersed in them. Joy, sorrow, anger, hurt, envy, all of these were but a small modicum of the emotions that she was experiencing all at once. The one constant between these shifting memories was the fact that they all contained Hikari in them. Everything from the most mundane study sessions to the final ceremony of the Etoile.

_D-Don't cry...please...I can't...I have to be happy for her..._

How desperately did she wish to turn the hands of time backward and start all over so she could relive those wonderful times again when it was only her and Hikari. Yaya grinned mournfully. It was impossible and she knew that better than anyone else. There was no such thing as a reset button. Once something happened it could not be reversed no matter what.

Her body began to tremble as lithe fingers dug into her arms, the slender nails beginning to draw blood. The anger always went hand in hand with her sorrow. One never came without the other. It was like all the old folks said. 'Misery loves company' and what better company than that undying anger.

The first target of her anger was obviously Amane. What had started off as a cool acquaintance soon evolved to dislike and now it was full blown hatred. For many months Yaya tried to deny it and attempted to reason with herself. How could she be angry and hate the one person that could make Hikari smile? No matter what she told herself it never worked and now her anger had evolved to the point to where she could hardly tolerate the horse rider any longer.

It wasn't fair!

She was the one had first found Hikari, alone and ventured forth to be her friend. It was she who had been her roommate all this time, going through silly arguments, or doing homework together, or sharing secrets at the dead of night when everybody else was asleep. The times when Hikari cried on her shoulder when she was hurt. Where was Amane then?

No, all Amane had to do was ride up on that beast, strutting around like some big shot while garnering the attention of all the girls at the schools. Why in the name of Heaven did Amane have to pick Hikari? She had the pick of any other girl she wanted, ANY other girl. Better yet, what did Hikari see in Amane that caused her to drift from the one person who had looked after her all that time?

_I...I...I hate you Amane. I hate what you have done to us. Why did you have to take the one thing that was precious to me? I don't ask much in this world. If I were only to have Hikari and nothing else then it wouldn't matter. She is the only one for me. Was this fated? God...did you ignore my prayers? My desperate pleas? Was this part of your grand design? _

_As David coveted the wife of Uriah the Hittite he then ordered his general to send Uriah to the front lines of battle where he was then felled. It was then that David swooped in and took the widow, Bathsheba, and made her his own. And the only thing you do, God, is send an old prophet to rebuke him? A mere slap on the wrist? Why did you allow this injustice to happen? Did not David have several wives already and a harem on top of that? Women of his pick and choosing and yet he was still not satisfied? Not until he took the only important thing from a faithful man and sent him to his death for his dedication? How cruel...how fucking cruel!_

_And now you still stand aside and let this injustice continue. Amane is the David of this school. Her power and popularity were bar none. Despite all that, all the girls that would fall to Amane's feet could you, God, not send at least one of THEM to her instead? That you could sway the heart of one of that hoard to fall for Amane and have her respond in kind? It is not beyond Your power. Then why did it have to be Hikari? She is my Bathsheba! My beautiful partner, my angel. She was the light of my world. The only source of happiness that you would afford me and now you would snatch her from my hands like a thief in the night and bestow her on Amane even though she already has everything she could ever fucking want while I am left with nothing._

_However, to some extent I envy Uriah in the fact that You were kind enough to send him off to a quick death. He died believing that His wife was still his, that his king was still good to him, that he probably died happy knowing that at least, through his efforts, his wife would be safe. But you have not afforded me this leisure Lord. I sit here in the darkness where even Your eternal light cannot enter. I am blind, deaf and mute, crippled and unknowing. I care not for anything anymore. I hate You. All my life I dedicated in worship of You, praying only to be happy and content and nothing more. You give me Hikari and then snatch her away from me so that she can be in the arms of another. What is the point in making me experience a minute of Heaven if you are to condemn me to lifetime of Hell? _

_No...despite everything I cannot lay the entirety of the blame on You Lord even if you are greatly responsible. For I did a horrible thing to Hikari and now she will not go near me. I lacked the courage to express my love for her and now she is beyond my grasp forever. No, the worst hate I can bear is reserved for myself. For, in the end, I was wholly unworthy of Hikari. How could I ever have competed with Amane? I couldn't...I can't...and I never will. _

_Are You listening or am I just rambling in the dark? Do You truly even care for me? Does my voice even reach Your ears or are you now deaf to my entreaties now that my part is done? Will Amane continue to be blessed beyond belief while I rot away? Amane and Hikari will live on. One hundred, two hundred, hell even a thousand years from now their names will still be here at Miator, immortal as they are engraved in the annuals of the Etoile. And me...I'll just be forgotten. Alone..._

_Hikari..._

_Why wasn't I good enough? Did my love for you not matter? You shed tears on my behalf and yet you would still leave me with nothing when, if you had refused Amane, she still would have had the entire school to chose from. Did that never occur to you? _

_I wish I could hate you Hikari. I wish that I could hate you so much that I can make you hurt, to make you feel what I'm going through. To force you to realize just how much you are torturing me. But I can never bring myself to hate you. So you will die, content...happy...in the arms you love the most no doubt and, in time, you will forget the name Yaya Nanto. _

_But even if my brain turns to mush, even if the fucking worms have already started eating it as I lay on my death bed, STILL I will remember you! For you are that precious to me...my Hikari...I love you..._

_I love you..._

_Hikari..._

_Please...come back to me...I need you...don't leave me alone like this...everyone has already forsaken me...even God...don't you leave me too..._

Yaya closed her eyes and, seeing no difference between the darkness whether her eyes were open or not, she soon began to weep, alone, miserable and wretched with no one to take her into their arms and say that it was going to be alright. She was totally alone, she was sure of it.

Even when, in reality, she had company all along just outside her door.

She too was crying for she heard Yaya and could relate to the pain she was going through but unlike Yaya this person was would not allow herself to sink into despair not when there was still breath in her.

Tamao, her eyes still full of tears and her arms trembling, soon gathered her courage and knocked on the door.

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Author's Note: I really hope this fic turned out well. I just finished the anime today and fell in love with it and wanted to write something for it immediately. Hopefully it turned out well. Thank you all for reading hope you enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own "Strawberry Panic."

Author's Note: I really want to thank all those who have read and reviewed I really appreciate. With that said here is the next chapter.

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_I can't see the meaning of this life I'm leading_

_I try to forget you as you forgot me_

_This time there is nothing left for you to take_

_This is goodbye_

A harsh rapping came from the front door dragging Yaya back into reality. She reluctantly opened her eyes and heaved herself up from her bed. Placing a hand to steady herself she felt the dampness of the bed just below her and realized that she had broken out into a cold sweat. When did that happen?

She couldn't ponder this too long as the rapping on the door drew her attention again. With a slight moan Yaya stood on her feet and opened the door and was surprised to see Tamao standing in the dimly lit hallway. Yaya screwed her face up in a look of reproach.

"What are you doing here? If Sister catches you then you'll be doing lines for a week."

"Are you alright?"

The question threw Yaya off and was unable to come up with a response. Her shock was apparent enough for Tamao to take notice. She narrowed her eyes in determination as she repeated her question.

"Yaya...is something the matter? I heard you crying."

The black haired girl started to panic. She didn't want Tamao what was really going on with her. It wasn't her business...or anybody else for that matter.

Yaya narrowed her eyes and met Tamao's gaze hard.

"I'm fine. Leave."

_Close to having it all I am drifting through the stages_

_Of the rapture born within this loss_

_Thoughts of death inside_

_Tear me apart from the core of my soul_

Tamao was given no time to respond as Yaya attempted to close the door. It wasn't that she hated Tamao, Yaya considered her a good friend, but at the moment she was in absolutely no mood to entertain company. She would take whatever abuse Tamao would give her over this tomorrow. It wouldn't matter anyway.

It was insignificant in comparison what she was going through right now.

However fate was still willing to play games with Yaya as Tamao managed to catch the door with her hands and push it back open. The force caught Yaya by surprise and was unable to stop Tamao from getting in.

"You're not fine."

Yaya sneered as she heard Tamao say this. What the hell was Tamao doing? Didn't she have the common courtesy to leave a grieving person in peace? Not all those who shed tears desired comfort, at least, that was what Yaya told herself.

"Okay detective you win. I'm not fine. There, happy? Now leave me alone." spat Yaya harshly.

Tamao's face fell into a look of attempted understanding and reason. It made Yaya furious to look at it and was dangerously close to just slapping the girl in front of her.

"I know how you feel."

"You don't fucking know how I feel Tamao."

_And I, should contemplate this change to ease the pain_

_And I, should step out of the rain, turn away_

"I'm sorry Yaya. I don't mean to impose on you or anything. It's just you can talk to me you know."

Yaya did not know what to think. So desperately did she wish to be left alone but at the same time she could not help but want to fall into someone's arms, anyone's, and relieve herself of the horrible burden she was forced to carry. The scariest thing about all of this was that it was so easy to do. To accept Tamao's pity; to take the easy way out.

The black haired girl found herself getting seduced by those sparkling eyes, the blue corneas shimmering like moonlight over a pond. Yaya cracked as felt only the most resentment for herself as she was too weak to face her problems alone. She had already hurt her friendship with Hikari forever. She would dare not risk her friendship by involving Tamao.

However her conviction was weak and in her time of misery she broke under the gentle, yearning gaze of Tamao, the blue haired angel begging to enter her heart.

_At times, the dark's fading slowly but it never sustains_

_Would someone watch over me, in my time of need_

Tamao could see her friend's resolve crumbling. The black pools of Yaya's eyes were glistening brightly like two lonely stars in the night sky. It pained Tamao to see Yaya like this. Her heart wanted to go out to her.

Because Tamao too was begging relief for her own pain...the pain she was sharing with Yaya at the very moment.

She reached out and embraced the slender form of the crumbling girl in front of her. The reaction was instantaneous as Yaya suddenly clenched Tamao's body tightly, her fingers digging into her friend's back. Tamao could suddenly feel Yaya trembling beneath her.

"D-Don't leave me Tamao. Stay with me...tonight. I don't want to be alone."

Tamao closed the door gently behind them before guiding Yaya to her bed. There Yaya continued to let loose her tears. Tamao held her close to her body, soothing her to the best of her ability even though she too was shedding tears at the moment.

_And I, should contemplate this change to ease the pain_

_And I, should step out of the rain, turn away_

Neither knew whether this new union would be the answer to what they were looking for. But for now, in each others arms, they could find some relief and take comfort in the fact that each knew the pain the other was suffering from. Most importantly however.

They were not alone at least for not tonight.

Before either one knew it they drifted off into a deep slumber where they could forget the world's woes.

* * *

Author's Note: Well here is the second chapter to this small project of mine. Should only be a couple more chapters. Still tell me what you all think.

Oh and FYI the song lyrics are from the band called "Opeth." The song name is "In my Time of Need." Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own "Strawberry Panic."

Author's Note: Updating fast and furious partly because I have some free time and also want to make up for the last chapter. Though I am happy that it was recieved well I felt it too short so I'm going to make it up with this chapter. Thank you all for reading and reviewing once again enjoy.

* * *

_Do you have the right to meddle with the love of others? _

_The only thing to stop love...is love._

The sound of Kaname's voice echoed out in the darkness as Yaya woke from her nightmare in the middle of the night. Those words haunted her, the misconstrued wisdom that hid the malicious motive behind them, the very same words that had forever crippled her friendship with Hikari forever.

If there was someone that Yaya hated more than Amane then it was Kaname Kenjo. How she utterly despised that serpent, hiding in the grass in cowardice, only striking at those who were too helpless to fend it off and turning friend against friend using its forked tongue. While Hikari seemed to have forgiven Kaname for that time, even going so far as to politely address her when they happened to meet randomly in the hallways, Yaya hadn't forgiven the student council member. She only wished the most horrible of curses on that Kaname and that she would burn in Hell.

Tamao was still asleep, her soft snores the embodiment of contentment.

_That's right...she is here with me tonight. _

Yaya smiled softly as she observed her temporary roommate. She passed her hand gently through Tamao's hair as the other girl seemed to mew happily causing Yaya to blush but further compelling her to continue her ministrations. There seemed to be some therapeutic effect in doing this as Yaya did not feel quite as conflicted and spiteful as before. Her hands eased through Tamao's hair, its texture silky.

_Hikari's hair was also this soft. _

The mention of Hikari made Yaya pause for a moment before her head was bombarded with images of that night...the night where their friendship was damaged beyond repair.

Yaya chuckled darkly.

_You asked me why I did what I did Hikari? What do you want me to say? I love you and despite knowing that still you would wish me to bless your union with Amane?_

_How cruel._

_I wanted to show you just how much I loved you...to show you that I too can be there to protect you...to make you happy. I know you can't help the way you feel about Amane I understand that. But if that is the case then perhaps it is best that we stop being friends. _

_I don't know what is more painful you not being here with me._

_Or trying to be friends with the love of my life while she is in the arms of another. _

_Perhaps I'm being selfish Hikari for dealing in absolutes like this but if we are to be honest here then yes your friendship isn't enough for me. I love you god damn it! How the hell do you think it would feel if you saw Amane in a relationship with Kaname? Worse yet Amane then coming up to you, despite knowing how much you love her, and asking to 'just' be friends? And to bless her union with Kaname while we're at it. So, in the end everyone is happy and hunky fucking dory!_

_It doesn't work that way Hikari! You asking me to just remain friends despite my feelings for you is just cruel and selfish on your part. You want to have Amane as the love of your life yet you are not willing to suffer the consequences of your actions. That by loving Amane you ran the very real chance of alienating me yet you would still tether yourself to me, torturing me endlessly by constantly being so close yet so far away at the same time. _

_The worst part about all of this is that I allow this to happen. I need you so much that I'm willing to 'just' be friends so that I can still be near you. That despite the pain I suffer being close to you I would prefer that than not have you in my life at all._

_I'm such a horrible person...here I am trying to justify my actions when I was clearly in the wrong. I know you have forgiven me Hikari for what I have done but I cannot forgive myself._

_Perhaps it was best that we were not meant to be. Not when I'm such a horrible person. _

Yaya slipped from her thoughts as she looked down at Tamao sleeping next to her. Without even thinking she slipped an arm around the blue haired girl and drew her in, taking comfort from the warmth before she too finally was able to find peace and get to sleep.

* * *

Tamao awoke that morning to find that she was in Yaya's arms. Tamao did not remember this ever happening but she didn't mind it all. If felt nice. She smiled gently as she did her best to get up from the bed and not disturb Yaya from her sleep. There was still about a week before the new term was about to start and as of right now there were no classes to be had hence Tamao's carefulness. Despite the precautions taken Yaya was a light sleeper and soon found herself roused from the movement in the bed. She was remarkably well rested.

"Good morning Yaya-chan." said Tamao brightly as she got up and opened the curtains flooding the room with daylight.

"Someone sounds happy this morning. Must have been some really good dreams."

To Yaya's surprise and delight she saw Tamao blush red in embarrassment.

"It wasn't like that or anything."stammered Tamao.

"You were dead to world last night an earthquake wouldn't have woken you. That dream must have been really good." replied Yaya playfully.

"Yaya-chan!"

For the first time in a long while Yaya genuinely laughed. She never did really spend much time with Tamao alone but felt she was familiar enough with her to poke some fun at her. It turned out to be great success as Yaya was enjoying herself at Tamao's expense. She definitely was going to do this again when she had the chance.

Yaya thought vaguely of just getting on with her day. Tamao had served her purpose and she was feeling much better. Her face fell, though, at the prospect of having to spend the day all alone again. Here she was probably the happiest she has been since the Etoile election months back and now she was going to return to that lonely hell of hers.

A sudden desperation took hold of Yaya as she realized one thing.

She didn't want Tamao to go.

Perhaps she was being selfish but Yaya could not bear the thought of being alone again. For months she had been suffering in silence, putting on fake smiles to all those around her and then, in the dead of night, would lament her pitiful fate. Her tears unnoticed, her cries unheard. In Tamao she saw an oasis admist a sea of misery. Here was this girl that she really didn't know very well and took time out of her day to actually come to her.

Tamao was the one who heard her cries.

Tamao was the one who comforted her.

Tamao was the one who let her hold her close, to drive away the specters of solitude and remind her that she wasn't alone. That there were people out there that would care if only she would let them in.

Yaya held no illusions as she thought about this. This was unfair to Tamao and Yaya knew this perfectly. Tamao would serve an outlet for her frustations. She felt guilty about it, but couldn't resist the urge to be with someone.

Even if she knew she was just taking advantage of Tamao's kindness.

"What are you doing today anyway?"

Tamao didn't expect Yaya to be extending any invitations considering how stand-offish the girl was yesterday but was happy for the development. Yaya seemed to have been so distraught yesterday and Tamao was feeling lonely herself. Not that she didn't spend any time with Nagisa, they were still really good friends, but it wasn't the same as before.

Then there was hope that she could still have wormed her way into Nagisa's heart. To convince the red head that she was the most important person in the world to her and would do anything to make her happy.

_Even go so far as to give her up..._

"Tamao-chan? Are you alright? If you don't feel like it then I understand I just thought..."

The blue haired poet did not mean to ignore Yaya like that was dismayed to find a look of slight hurt and disappointment on her friend's face. Tamao felt her face soften at the sight. Sure hanging out with Yaya didn't figure into her plans for today but Tamao didn't really mind. In fact she was excited. She never really spent any time with Yaya alone. Most times that they were together it was for their late night tea parties, or during special events and even then it was with other people.

"I don't have any plans for today. I'll be more than happy to spend the day with you!" replied Tamao cheerfully.

Yaya's face instantly lit up in joy. She really did not think that Tamao would want to spend the day with her considering that Nagisa was still around but the fact that Tamao had, in fact, prioritized her over Nagisa touched her.

She couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes.

* * *

Today had probably been one of the best days Yaya had in quite a long while. She had been so hesitant in asking Tamao to spend the day with her but was so grateful that she did. Almost immediately they had started the day at Tamao's room where they, alongside Nagisa, began to play dress up as many girls their age often did at the prospect of going out.

Speaking of Nagisa, Yaya was surprised to find that the red haired girl was eager to spend some of her time with them. She had some other errands to attend to but she did stay with them up until lunch. Nagisa soon left as Tamao and Yaya continued their day together as they went to the chapel to listen to the younger choir students practice. They even helped Le Rim student president, Minamoto Chikaru, stitch some hand puppets together in anticipation of the new club she was forming next term.

The sun was already beginning to set as Yaya and Tamao started to make their way back to Strawberry Hall before their curfew. They had been silent in duration of their walk but Yaya didn't really mind. She was glad that today had turned out as well as it did. Perhaps tonight she could finally get some sleep without having to keep anyone hostage. Yaya was grateful for what Tamao did for her but it wasn't fair to ask the blue haired poet to continue fussing over her. The black haired girl resolved to be strong and face her burdens alone in the coming days. Hikari was now beyond her reach and no one could fill the void in her heart where Hikari had once occupied.

Tamao had other plans.

"I know I have no right to ask this but why were you crying last night?" asked Tamao in concern.

Yaya had stopped in her tracks as she heard Tamao venture the question. Conflict bubbled from within Yaya's heart as she cast her head down, averting the inviting gaze of Tamao's eyes. Yes it would be so easy to get lost in those azure pools. To be gently guided into their comforting gaze, to be held by the person that seemed to be the only one that was caring about her for the moment.

"Tamao it is something I don't want to talk about. The hurt is too near." replied Yaya almost bitterly.

"Is it about Hikari?"

The mention of her name instantly made Yaya angry. There was no denying the good intentions behind Tamao's words but Yaya was not ready to talk about it.

"What does it matter Tamao? It's over between us. What we once had can never be reclaimed. Please just drop it already. I would rather not think about her right now."

"Yaya-chan...I know how-"

It was too much.

Before Tamao even knew what was happening she found herself being shoved into a nearby tree. Looking up she could see those golden orbs glimmer with barely restrained rage. Tamao could feel Yaya was trying to control herself but she couldn't understand why Yaya would react like this.

"I already told you Tamao you know nothing about the way I feel. Not even close. So don't go there." spat Yaya harshly.

"Yaya-cha...believe me when I say that I know how it feels to lose the one you love. To find them suddenly taken from your grasp, to know that they will never truly be with you, to love you as you love them. Believe me I know its hard but-"

Tamao never finished as she was slapped harshly. The pain really didn't even register so much as the shock of Yaya actually hitting her. And for what? To reach out to her?

"To lose the one you love? You didn't lose Nagisa you fucking gave her away! You had your opportunity to be together with her and yet, from what I hear, when Shizuma came up to claim her love for Nagisa you let her go just like that! What I wouldn't have given to have Amane give Hikari up. I would have seized the opportunity and held Hikari close to me and never let go! You're a coward Tamao unwilling to fight for what was rightfully yours. You always took the easy way out, trying to be friends with Shizuma and acting all hunky dory. How stupidly foolish! I bet Shizuma, right now, is laughing at easy it was to take Nagisa from your hands. Like taking candy from a baby. You say you love Nagisa but you really don't because if you did you would have never let Shizuma take back what she had given you! What was rightfully yours!"

The sky seemed to darken as gray clouds passed overhead. A chill wind began to blow as Tamao shivered. Of course she had always questioned whether her decision that fateful day had been the right one or not. At the time it seemed to be the best for she only wanted to make Nagisa happy.

_Yet what was to prevent me to insure Nagisa's happiness? Am I not too in love with her? Was I not just as capable of making Nagisa happy? _

These thoughts were whirling around in a torrent of emotions that Tamao was barely keeping in. However Yaya was not finished yet and as soon as she was sure that Tamao had gotten a good idea as to what she said she continued.

"Are you beginning to get the picture? I LOVE Hikari! I cannot deny those feelings and while I have done many things I regret at the least I could say that I fought for her! That I did everything in my power to make Hikari realize my feelings even going so far as to force myself on her. Yes...that's right. The night when I asked you and Nagisa to say at your dorm. It was not just a fight. I-I had wanted Hikari to know just how I truly felt so I took the ultimate gamble and it backfired on me. To this day she no longer allows herself near me. I cannot blame her for I ruined our friendship forever. But I was willing to take that risk so that in the hopes of something more. Of being TRULY happy by expressing my love for Hikari in the fullest and she in turn for me. I was not willing to just hand her over to Amane! I fought with everything I had! Tell me Tamao, truly, how many times have you fought for Nagisa? How many times did you just simply let her go when you had the perfect chance to fulfill your own happiness? The simple fact of the matter is that you let her go because you never loved her. What you had was a silly school girl crush. So don't you dare say that you know how I feel! I was willing to risk it all for true happiness while you are content to muck about in mediocrity, taking whatever little crumbs Nagisa throws at you and tell yourself that it is all for her sake!"

Tamao was stunned speechless. For a moment she nearly wanted to just buckle down and cry for Yaya made such a telling argument. It had hit at every insecurity that Tamao knew existed within her. How pliant she was when in regards to Shizuma and Nagisa. For a moment it made her really second guess herself as she asked the question.

Did she truly love Aoi Nagisa? Was giving Nagisa up to Shizuma the ultimate lack of conviction on her part?

There was no denying that she was still miserable. Nagisa was so close at hand and yet it felt that she was now further away than ever. With her relationship with Shizuma now offical there was no way that Tamao could get any closer. At least back during the school year Tamao had always held a slim hope that Nagisa would realize her love.

But it wasn't meant to be.

Tamao was there when she saw Nagisa's eyes as she beheld Shizuma declaring her love for her. They were filled with a desire and yearning that Tamao knew she could never invoke. It was then that she realized that Nagisa truly did love Shizuma though there was one more frightening possibility.

Had she been more possessive of Nagisa and rebuked Shizuma's advances she was sure that Nagisa would have eventually gotten into a relationship with her. In fact, now that Tamao thought about it, she was sure that Nagisa would have gone out with her if only to make her happy. It would be something Nagisa would do.

But Tamao realized that possessing Nagisa in that matter would only lead to pain. Nagisa would never truly love her, not in the same way Tamao felt. The guilt associated with possessing Nagisa, denying her right to be happy with Shizuma, all to fulfill her own emotions, it would have eaten her up. Tamao knew that she could never do that to Nagisa. She loved her too much to shackle her into a relationship that she would not be truly happy in.

No...Yaya was completely wrong about her. Tamao knew she loved Nagisa, in fact she still did, and to this day, despite how painful it was to make the decision, she never regretted it because never had she seen Nagisa so happy. In the end that was all Tamao wanted. Nagisa's happiness was Tamao's ultimate priority and if Shizuma was the only one to make her truly happy then so be it.

With her convictions now in place Tamao suddenly grabbed Yaya harshly by the chin forcing her to stare into her eyes. Yaya's gaze was still harsh but Tamao did not let that intimidate her and instead matched Yaya's ferocity instead.

"How dare you Yaya...how fucking dare you call my love for Nagisa nothing more than just a childish crush? Let me make something very clear to you. Just because I didn't 'fight' for her doesn't mean I didn't love her. You were not there when Shizuma had come in to declare her love for Nagisa. I saw, with my own eyes, just how much Nagisa wanted to be with Shizuma. It would have been so easy for me to spurn Shizuma away, to force Nagisa's attention to only me. We might have even gotten into a relationship. What good would that relationship be if Nagisa never returned my love? That all her smiles would be empty as she was denied her true happiness? That I would know, every night, that I was the cause of her pain. No Yaya. I love Nagisa far too much to put her through that. I refuse to be the source of her torment just so that I could fulfill my selfish desires."

"Let me ask you something. Did you enjoy what you did Hikari? Were her tears worth the pleasure you derived from it? Would you force Hikari into a relationship with you knowing that every night she would cry herself to sleep because you denied her the happiness she was truly seeking? And for what? To 'prove' that you were worthy of her? That you fought the good fight and thus deserved her? How selfish, how fucking selfish Yaya! What you call love is nothing more than a obsession. You don't love Hikari you just want to claim her, so much so that your entire existence is now tethered to Hikari. You made yourself become dependent on her for your own happiness and now that she is with someone who truly loves her you are suddenly left with nowhere to go. You have no one to blame but yourself Yaya. For all its worth I'm disgusted at you. How could you ever justify forcing yourself on Hikari? I could never do that to Nagisa...the guilt would absolutely kill me. I would die before I did something like that. So let me ask you. Do you truly love Hikari or do you just want to possess her so that you can fuck her silly?"

Yaya lashed out in fury as she slapped Tamao on the face again only this time with so much force that Tamao was actually knocked down to the ground.

"Leave! Get out of here! I don't want to see you!"

Tamao silently got up as tears began to well in her eyes. This was not the way she wanted today to end but she knew that to stay would only make things worse. Right now the only person that could help Yaya was herself. Despite everything Tamao did not think Yaya was a terrible person, only confused within the whirlwind of her own emotions.

"I don't regret what I said Yaya. I'll leave for now but for what it's worth I'm still here for you. If you are ever in need of some company you know where to find me. But please...don't make the mistake in trying to take on your grief alone. The last thing I want is to lose someone really important to me."

Yaya's eyes snapped open in surprise as she whipped her head over and was surprised to find that Tamao was already gone. Still Yaya did not miss the trace of sadness in Tamao's voice. Even after making a mockery of her love for Nagisa, for hitting her twice and insulting her still Tamao was willing to reach out to her. There was no doubt that Tamao's words had hit a sore spot for Yaya but as angry as she was she still could not deny one overwhelming fact.

Tamao was still willing to be with her. Last night had stuck out for Yaya as she remembered holding Tamao close, feeling the comfort of her warm body, the one person that seemed to bring peace to her tormented mind. Even now, after their horrible argument, Tamao wanted to make her feel better.

For the first time since the Etoile election Yaya could finally see a dim light at the end of the dark tunnel she was forced to travel through.

* * *

Author's Note: Well this chapter should have made up for the last one which was terribly short. This story should already be wrapping up. Hit me up let me know what you all think.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All rights to the name "Strawberry Panic" belong to Madhouse Studious, Lantis and any other of their affiliates. I do not own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of this story.

Author's Note: Just want to send a small apology for taking my sweet time with this fic. Hopefully this next chapter will make up for it. Enjoy.

* * *

Nagisa Aoi could tell that her best friend was troubled.

As the two girls were eating their breakfast Nagisa could literally see a cloud of discontent hovering above the head of the blue haired poet. Nagisa looked down at her bowl of oatmeal and took a small spoonful. She could not taste anything.

Meanwhile Tamao seemed to be playing with the waffles on her plate cutting them into little pieces and scattering them all over her plate. Her argument with Yaya the day before had rattled her and shook the convictions with which she used to keep herself sane. Not a day went by that Tamao did not look back on that day when she relinquished Nagisa to Shizuma. Tamao had told herself that it was for Nagisa's happiness. That it was best this way and the more Tamao told herself that the less she noticed the pain. All of that hard work convincing herself that her decision was right was thrown right out of the window the moment Yaya accused her for not loving Nagisa enough to fight for her. While at the time Tamao was convinced that Yaya was wrong and that she had made the right decision looking across the table from her Tamao was suddenly beginning to think that perhaps Yaya was right in accusing her of being a coward.

Nagisa Aoi was beautiful, at least in Tamao's eyes. She held such an innocent disposition that made Tamao want to hold and protect her and yet at the same time possessed an air of sensuality that was subtle yet impossible to ignore. To think that such a creature could have been in her possession, was literally within her reach and yet she gave it up.

Tamao could not stand it and soon averted her eyes from her best friend and continued to play with her waffles. Perhaps if she concentrated hard enough on her food she would get hungry and start to eat and momentarily forget the sudden pain and confusion that she was forced to deal with.

Likewise Nagisa could not seem to enjoy her meal either. Every spoonful of oatmeal she had taken had no taste. She could not enjoy her food not when her best friend was looking so miserable especially considering yesterday when it seemed that she and Yaya were getting along so well.

_I wonder what could have happened yesterday that has gotten Tamao so sad. Did she and Yaya-chan get into a fight?_

"Tamao what's wrong? You have been acting so sad since yesterday night." asked Nagisa.

"Just feeling a bit down is all. Me and Yaya got into a small argument and I'm kinda bummed out about it." replied Tamao dully.

_So they DID get into a fight. But why?_ _Yaya-chan is so nice I wonder what could have happened that would have got them to argue. _

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm here for you if you need me." replied Nagisa kindly.

At once Tamao felt a terrible irrational anger at hearing Nagisa's words and before she had the chance to even think she retorted harshly.

"Are you really Nagisa? Are you truly there for me? Where were you the day before yesterday when I was alone, miserable? That I had to resort to looking for Yaya because YOU were not there for me. Wait, let me guess, you were probably with Shizuma again no doubt having the time of your life."

"Tamao-chan..."

"You continue to torment me. Throwing me small crumbs here and there and I must be content with that!"

"But Tamao we're best friends and-"

At this Tamao rose drawing the attention of the small number of students that happened to be nearby. Tamao did not know why she was so angry. Maybe she was venting her frustrations from yesterday to Nagisa. It was unfair and in the back of Tamao's mind she knew it too but she was too far engrossed in her own anger to stop now.

"Damn it Nagisa I don't want to be 'friends' with you! I love you, I always have since the day I found you alone. Yet time and time again I was forced to way side as you ran off with Shizuma and no matter how many times she broke your heart still you went back to her. Guess who was there each and every single time to comfort you when you were hurt. I was! I would hold you close to me and pray that you would see that Shizuma would always hurt you. That you would realize that I would NEVER do that to you. I would cherish you and die before I did something to cause you pain. But in the end you HAD to go back to her! And in my stupidity I let you go thinking that it would be for the best."

"You know what Yaya called me yesterday? She called me a coward for not having fought for you. Oh I hated her for saying that to me. I made sure to give up my happiness so that you could be happy. But maybe in the end she's right. I was a fucking coward. I should have held you tight, to remind you who it was that TRULY loves you. Not that womanizing Shizuma but me! So let me you off with this warning. The next time you say you want to be there for me you better make sure that you're willing to cut ties with Shizuma because after yesterday I realized something. I love you and I don't wish to be second place to Shizuma."

Tamao could hear Nagisa crying and already she felt her heart breaking. She did not mean to do this to Nagisa. No doubt she was sure that Nagisa was going to run out and she would have to apologize later. What Tamao did not expect was Nagisa meeting her eyes and standing her ground.

"I-I'm sorry Tamao-chan...I really am. I wish I could love you but I cannot help the way I feel. I love Shizuma and I will always love her. Call me stupid or pathetic or whatever other insult you can come up with but no matter how many times Shizuma hurts me I will always still feel the same for her. Don't think I was not aware of the times you have been there for me Tamao. Damn it I know it better than even you! In those desperate moments when my heart was shattered and you held me in your arms to soothe my pain so desperately did I want to fall in love with you. To hate Shizuma for playing with my emotions. And you know what you're probably right. I know that sometime in the near future Shizuma will do something to hurt me, to make me cry and come running back to you. In those desperate moments again I will try to fall in love with you and forget Shizuma but I know by now that it is hopeless."

"You'll probably be perfect for me Tamao if not the for the fact that I love Shizuma. I can't help it...I can't fucking help it Tamao! I love her with the entirety of my heart and soul! Don't you think I wished I hadn't fallen in love with her? To start all over again so that I wouldn't have had to put both of us through the suffering we have been through? She now holds my heart prisoner and she will never let go and likewise I would gladly remain her prisoner for life. There are days that I hear you cry at night and it makes me feel like a monster knowing that I am hurting you like this. And in those moments when you fall asleep at last I go to your bed and hold you close to me. I keep desperately wanting to fall in love with you but it never happens and probably never will."

"But let me make one thing clear Tamao. I'm not an ingrate. Had you stood your ground and prevented Shizuma from taking me I would have stayed by your side. I would have been faithful to you because your happiness means that much to me. In fact I was already preparing to lose Shizuma forever and stay by your side Tamao. Even if I would have become miserable for not being with Shizuma I would have gladly bore the pain only to make you happy Tamao because you _deserved _that, even if I could never return your love. However you made the choice to relinquish me, to allow ME a chance at happiness. It was then that I realized the true extent of your love for me. Even to this day I cannot find a way to thank you properly for allowing me a chance at my own happiness even if you had to suffer."

"With that said let me make another thing clear. You are _not_ a coward. I would never believe Yaya-chan would say something so cruel to you but never believe that the decision you made was the cowards way out. It was the bravest decision you could have made because I was willing to make that decision myself for your sake even if it killed me to be apart from Shizuma. I know how you feel because I felt that way the whole time we were together during the Etoile election. Only that you are condemned to a lifetime apart from the person you love while I only had to wait a small time. I'm sorry Tamao...I really am. I wish I could love you...so desperately do I want to love you...but I can't."

Tamao saw the trembling form of Nagisa before her and was not sure of what to say next. She never knew that Nagisa had been feeling such self blame and resentment, not until this very point. In some respects Tamao felt ashamed to think that she thought herself Nagisa's best friend when she hardly even understood what Nagisa was going through. No she had been so self absorbed in her own pains that she failed to realize how much it was hurting Nagisa for causing her, Tamao, pain.

_You're such a kind person Nagisa. You would cry for me even though you cannot help but feel the way you do. And I'm just being a bitch too close minded to see that anything past my own nose. _

"Nagisa thank you for putting everything in perspective for me. For so long I have been selfish thinking of only my own pain when I failed to realize yours even though we share the same room. Yet you took the time to take notice of my pain and for that I apologize for venting my frustrations out on you. I made my choice Nagisa because I truly wanted to see you happy. It was a choice I made and I must live with it. So please don't cry anymore for my sake. If you truly, honest to goodness, want to repay me then you wipe those tears from your face and feel no more guilt for me by being with Shizuma. Show me the true extent of your joy when you are with Shizuma and that alone will remind me that the decision I made that day was the right one."

Then before Tamao could even react Nagisa went forward and kissed Tamao deeply on the lips. Though surprised Tamao soon closed her eyes as she allowed herself this one small moment of Heaven as she too returned Nagisa's kiss cupping the other girl's cheek as she did so. When they parted Tamao was overjoyed to see that the tears had stopped flowing in Nagisa's eyes and that a smile had returned to her face.

"You're the best friend I could ever have Tamao and this was the only way I could think that could make up for everything I have done to you. I will fulfill my promise and no longer have regrets. We both have made our decisions and like adults we need to accept them, consequences and all. But I will bless you Tamao! You will find someone that will fill the void in your heart. These are not empty words. It will happen. Of that I am sure."

Despite all reasoning Tamao accepted Nagisa's words as truth for even now she felt her heart feeling lighter than it has been since before she attended Miator. Nagisa now had her happiness and now made sure to have Tamao have hers.

Tamao smiled as she realized one very important thing.

She had finally let go of Nagisa and now was free.

* * *

Author's Note: It's kind of short but I really wanted to concentrate on Nagisa's and Tamao's relationship and bringing closure to it before continuing any further. I want to thank all those who have read and reviewed I really appreciate the hook up. Hope you all enjoyed.


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